Day 78 – August 23, 2011 – School’s out!

Number of days in Amsterdam – 78

Number of days without a bike theft – 74

Days since it last rained – 0

Baby class is done!

It’s not that it wasn’t useful – it was very useful, but there comes a time when you’re sick of going to school, and you’ve learned all you can on the subject, and it’s time to move on.

This was that time.

The last class focused on what happens AFTER the birth. In the first hours and the first days.

As I mentioned before, about six hours or so after a delivery in the Netherlands, assuming all is normal, they pack you up and send you home. They even give you a baby as a wonderful parting gift.

Then, you’re home with this little squealing squalling mewling thing that probably has no instructions, and if they do they’re in Dutch and there’s no time to type them all into Google Translate.

So what do you do?

This is where the kramzoorg comes in.

The kramzoorg is mystical place that sends helper elves to your house. The helper elves are called kraamverzorgster, and they help take care of the baby for six hours every day of the first eight days, and then repair your shoes while you sleep.

To the American moms, it sounds like a wonderful fairytale, doesn’t it?

It’s true though.

Except the part about the elves and the shoes anyway.

The kraamverzorgster is a maternity nurse that comes over for six hours every day in the first eight days after delivery. She checks on the baby and mom, makes sure that feeding is going well, that the baby is healthy, and that we’ve figured out how to change nappies. She’s in contact with the midwife, who’ll also be making a housecall or two during this time.

It goes along with the whole idea that pregnancy and birth is natural and not a medical condition, but that the government here understands if you’re not quite ready to wing it as well.

And we had Beschuit met Muisjes, which literally means “Rusk Cakes with Little Mice.” But the little mice are not really little mice. They’re candy coated anise seeds. It’s traditional to whip some of these up for anyone who stops by after the baby is born. They’re fast and easy, and they taste like toast with Good N Plentys sprinkled on them. If you don’t like licorice, you may want to watch out when you come see the baby, because we WILL make you eat one!

So what did we learn in this class?

1. That babies and the process of delivering one are natural. It’s not an illness. It requires strength and determination, but it’s a process that’s been happening since the beginning of time.
2. If you have an emergency, they take mama out the apartment window on a cherry picker.
3. Mama is not a victim, or a patient, so she shouldn’t act like one (unless she’s riding a cherry picker from the window to the street).
4. Pain is natural, important and a part of the delivery. Mama will get through this.
5. At the end of it all, you get a baby. And toast with little mice on it. And possibly a ride in a cherry picker.

That’s it?

No problem.

We can do this.